I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I don't deserve a penis
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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