You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
