Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize