I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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