I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
