im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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