i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
