jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
