either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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