There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I need a beard to bite.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
