The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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