Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I cannot find my penis.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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