i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
