mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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