I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
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Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
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My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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