Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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