And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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