I am spending my child support on dildos
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Your cock deserves a montage
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
