Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
