My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
porn star boner night. come get it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
