Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
