just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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