just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
