I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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