Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
