Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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