quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
