Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
