so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
