Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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