Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
