maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
