She's JV to your varsity
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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