My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
