capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
