Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
