chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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