I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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