omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
