if i can run in heels then i can drive
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
did i walk over a car last night?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
