After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
