the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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