I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She needs sedatives and a leash
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
