I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
