i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize