Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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