His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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