last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You ruined the universe
Randomize
