this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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