she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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