Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize