If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
