I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
