Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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