I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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