I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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