A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
