I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
