On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Randomize
