Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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