I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
