i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
