dude i'm inner monologue high
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
