This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
