It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
