Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
