perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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