When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Congratulations! We have a period
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