What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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