So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
