He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
