I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
