it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
