i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
tell your sister to shave her snatch
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
