Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
